4 Steps to Becoming a Networking Genius
How to connect with millionaires, best-selling authors - just about anyone.
I’m still young, stupid and have a lot to learn. But I’m pretty decent at personal and business networking. In fact, I get no less than five emails per week asking how I built an impressive rolodex of friends, mentors and other interesting people. This post will show you how. But first, let’s play a little metaphorical baseball. Batter up!
Strike Number 1: I’m young as hell. (22)
Strike Number 2: I live in Whitefish, Montana. (Not exactly LA or New York.)
Strike Number 3: I used to have a very bad speech impediment and still talk way too fast. (When I get going, I sound like a chipmunk that’s hooked on trailer park meth. Without the squeaky voice, of course.)
Take-home point: It does not matter how old you are, where you’re from, or whether or not you’re the best conversationalist.
What’s important is getting out of your comfort zone, doing something different, being absolutely sincere, and showing gratitude.
1.Get out of your comfort zone
In 2003 I sent an email to the former fitness director of Men’s Health. If memory serves, I told him I admired his work and wanted his job. My friends thought it was stupid and that he’d never respond. Lou wrote me back three hours later.
In 2006 I took out a $1,500 loan to fly across the country to Washington DC to attend a seminar. That trip ended with new friends and a job moderating the T-Nation.com site. Eventually, an opportunity to write for the magazine came up and I jumped on it.
I approached porn-actress Bebe Minx at a bar.
Take-home points:
Don’t be too afraid to click “send†on an email, fly half-way across the world to meet people you don’t know, and take uncommon, high-reward risks. Always say “hi.†Become interested in other people and make it a point to do one thing that scares the shit out of you weekly. This is truly the snowball effect at work. One action will lead to forward momentum and accumulation of new experiences and people.
2.Do something different
I met Alwyn Cosgrove at a seminar in the summer of 2006. I had never talked with him before. I walked up, handed him a book, and said: “I’ve read a lot of your articles. You don’t know me, but I want to thank you for all that you’ve done for me.â€
Three months later, he got me my first blurb in Men’s Health and introduced me to Adam Campbell
Before I attended the infamous Ryan Lee Bootcamp in September of 2006, I emailed Jim Labadie a short note. When I saw him at the seminar, I immediately walked up and started a conversation. I don’t even remember what I said. What I do remember is having drinks after hours with him, Ryan Lee, Alwyn Cosgrove, and Pat Rigsby, collecting their personal mailing addresses, and sending them each a favorite book of mine when I got back home.
I met NHL star Geoff Sanderson at a gym in Whitefish. I offered to train him for free in exchange for a testimonial. He accepted.
Take-home points:
Everybody takes pictures with the people they admire, whether it’s celebrities or industry gurus. I don’t. I believe it lowers my perceived value. I want to be treated like an equal or at least a competent up-and-comer. Not a fan. With every experience or interaction, you have a decision. You can either stand out by doing something different, or you can blend in with the other hundreds or thousands of people.
3. Be absolutely sincere
People have fairly sensitive bullshit detectors and will know when you’re not being truthful. They will see your hidden agenda. Everyone also expects that the reason you’re talking to them is because you want something. Disarm them by reinforcing this belief. What does that mean? Compliment them, connect with them, put them on a pedestal, bring yourself up close to that level, finally introduce yourself, and then pull the trigger. Here’s how I like to start emails with people I’ve never met:
Hey Name,
I've been enamored with your work for quite some time and recently mustered the courage to click “send.â€
It’s evident you know how to do it - whatever it is - and you do it exceptionally well. Your work has inspired me to try new things. Thank you.
But let me back up a minute.
Just who the heck am I and why am I writing you this note? I’m very aware that you get hundreds of emails per day. If I was in your position, I’m sure unsolicited email would rank near the bottom of my ‘fun’ list, too.
And yet, I know you got to your position with the help and guidance of others smarter and more experienced than you. Let’s just say I’m trying to follow in your footsteps.
I’m a 22-year old punk kid and a first-time author. If you’d be willing, I’d love to ask you two quick questions. I value your privacy, time, and expertise, and it'd be a real treat for me to talk with someone who's at your level…
4. Show gratitude
People are busy. They don’t always have the time to respond to your emails, talk with you on the phone, or connect with you in any way. If they do, consider yourself lucky and make sure to show your appreciation. A small gift, thank-you note, or finding a way to help them out in some capacity will make sure you’re remembered and keep the lines of communication open.
Comments for This Entry
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Thanks for considering the point Nate.
But don't worry - you're language was neither pompous nor insincere - just a bit too minimizing of yourself.
A human being (even one asking for a favour - again notice the Canadian "u") should never forget or do anything to lessen their dignity . Moreover, while it will always be appropriate for you to cultivate and preserve a sense of humility, you've less need for groveling now as you've become accomplished in your own right. Seeking to put yourself too far below another person (1) ignores your achievements - which, again, are considerable, given your age; and (2) (perhaps, more importantly) ignores our common humanity. The most significant things that have been done in human history have been done by humans working as individuals or in groups all with the belief that change, or growth was necessary and possible and, moreover, within their grasp as humans.
No one should be elevated or lowered to the point of forgetting their humanity. When people who have achieved great things are reminded of their own humanity and, in turn remind others, they inspire those others to dream about greatness, strive for it and ultimately achieve it.
Seek always to nurture and honour the human spirit - yours and others. This is the key to all things.
With a crushed spirit, a human being can do nothing and we only that which we do.
This is an example of the 20/80 rule. There are things that if nurtured, allow one to neglect many other things and things if neglected, are not made up for by any amount of nurturing of other things.
Excuse the rambling. When I'm not drafting, I'm known to descend into psychology, philosophy or comedy depending upon my mood.
So much of life is like combat strategy. Everything is timing and we must be as careful of where we guard as where we hit.
Drop the head and the body will follow.
Once again, well done. -
A wonderful example of how you've achieved so much at such so quickly. I enjoy the blog - keep up the great work!
Pat
COMMENT RULES: Critical posts are fine, but if you're rude I'll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your personal name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. But most of all, have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation! (Thanks to Tim Ferriss for the inspiration.)
aamir 10:50am Apr 17, 2008