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7 Things Every Guy Should Experience
A guest post by Chad Howse
(Note from Nate: I get a lot of e-mails every week from guys who are looking for help or just want to connect with me to talk and ask questions. Chad's correspondence always stood out from the rest. So when he asked if he could write a quick guest post for my blog, I agreed. Enjoy.)
I started this list thinking of one-time events that every guy should experience in his lifetime. But that quickly changed to experiences that will affect a man for the rest of his lifetime.
Read over the list and then please let me know what you'd add.
Facing a fear
What scares the crap out of you? Is it public speaking, getting beat up, or performing in front of a crowd? Knowing you faced your fears and came out all right will stay with you for a lifetime. Fear is just a feeling, having control over it makes anything possible.
Losing
Success isn’t as sweet if you haven’t faced the bitterness of defeat.
One-on-one competition
Not only is there the pressure you place on yourself, but the pressure of the crowd and the guy you’re facing. Something like boxing or mixed martial arts comes to mind. How will you perform when it counts, when it’s real, and not just practice?
The world
There’s a lot more to it than our neighborhoods or even our continent and we can only learn so much when we’re comfortable, safe, and constantly in a familiar place.
“It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln
Pushing your body to its limits
When you’re running a marathon, climbing a mountain, or in the middle of a fight there are always two options:
You can quit. I mean why are you doing this anyway? Why not just end it, end the pain and relax?
Or you keep going. You’ll put your body under a whole lot more pain, but you did it to accomplish something.
If you continue, you’re conquering your mind more than anything. Once you have control over your own negative thoughts, there isn’t a whole lot left that’ll hold you back.
Reaching a goal
Things like gaining lean mass, losing weight, or even building a successful business are all attainable, and like most good things in life they’re not free; each takes hard work and dedication to achieve. Seeing something through to its completion shows perseverance. Boys are fickle. They’ll have a dream, go after it and quit when the excitement wears off, but men see things through.
The experience of people depending on you
It's one thing to put pressure on yourself, but when your success or failure affects another person or people, that pressure is brought to a whole new level. It gives what you’re doing more meaning. Quitting isn’t an option when your failure or success affects the lives of the people you care about most.
Check out Chad's blog here.
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What would you add to the list? How many of these have you done?
Comments for This Entry
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I think much of this can be summed up to: "Every guy should experience becoming a man." Really liked the post. So many of the people I see around have no interest in growing or testing themselves.
I have personally faced fears in several of the areas that Chad and Nate talk about, and it's really like a rollercoaster. You start to enjoy it after getting over that first big hump of getting moving. Small consistent actions make all the difference in the long term.
It's just getting past the little voices that say "this isn't working yet" (after you've done something one time), or "you're still a failure" (after you have gotten an initial success). I say that as long as you intellectually know that what you are doing will lead to the results you want, then just keep on digging and you will get there.
A great one on facing fears is to go up and say hi to a hot girl you see on the street. If you've never really worked on this, the first time you do it, you'll feel like you are going to die. But you don't, and then it is glorious, even if she completey shut you down.
Cutting loose and going to a foreign country on a shoestring budget is another great one. -
I'm going to say every guy should experience "Taking Risk". And not just one, multiple risk.
This can be training, business, relationships, etc. Sometimes you just have to get out of your comfort zone and take those risk.
A lot of times in life people want to do something, but everything doesn't seem right in place. They worry about this and that, and the risk. So they decide against doing it. They do what they are "comfortable" with. Just freaking do it. There will never be that "perfect time". Take the risk.
I've had so many great things in life result out of taking risk.
I've also had a few broken bones, but that's a different story... -
Helping someone else overcome turmoil or other issues that we struggle through in everyday life. Whether its helping someone reach their potential in fitness or in life in general. Sure it may be self-gratifying, but helping someone else pays bigger dividends than that. It makes ya a a friggin human being which is often overlooked.
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Great post. I love reading these articles on fitness blogs that actually focus on growing as a person, not just growing muscles.
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Enjoyed this post. I have started thinking about how my actions, even small ones, affect people around me, and it has been quite an eye-opener. I don't think I was an asshole before, but it still made me change some things. I want to experience worldwide travel and hope I can make this a reality in the next couple of years.
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Very solid post Chad. Like some of the other guys said it's awesome to read some inspiring words and gain motivation that not only will help in one's physical growth, but in all aspects of one's life.
Like Chase pointed out, much of this list involves taking risks. Ya have to put yourself to the test constantly and the one's that see things through to the end are the people that generally rise to the top. One quote that I constantly refer to when facing any type of challenge is "If you want to reach the fruit, you have to go out on a limb." So get to climbing. -
Great post Chad! You carry a strong and simple message that we can all benefit from. Taking chances is so important in reaching any goal whether it be fitness, health, career or love! I have to remain in the game to get the results I desire while being kind to those around me (not just at home either).
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Hey guys thanks, glad you liked the article!
A lot of good comments here. Facing fears is definitely a main theme, as is getting out of your comfort zone.
@David - great quote!
@Mike - I agree, I think it's better to put the focus on someone else and give them a hand, and ya, actually be a human being...
@Chase - ya, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and go for it. I think it's less of a risk to strive for greatness than to settle for mediocrity. The up-side is too great to ignore.
@John - going up to a random hot girl on the street's a tough one, but a must-do at the same time. -
Chad, Great post by the way!
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You hit the nail on the head with this one! Success really doesn’t teach us a lot. It is failure that has taught me the most. Personally, stepping in the ring knowing the other guy wants to knock you out was a true test of risk and facing my fears. But the one you mention that separates the boys from the real men are those that take responsibility and care for others.
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Great stuff, guys. Thanks for commenting.
-Nate -
Even though I don't have the genitalia to comment, I do think having others depend on you is one of the more important life experiences.
Knowing my impact on others (good or bad) keeps me grounded while trying to achieve that next level of performance.
I appreciated your post, Chad! Simple, but good to be reminded of these things. You're in good company with your gal readers. -
One of the things that makes me nervous is uncertainty. There are those times when you don't know what is coming and you freak out about not being able to react appropriately.
I have to say that a fear that surprises me is the fear of public speaking. I've heard that it is one of the most widely spread fears worldwide. I am a magician and perform illusions and effects from intimate groups of a few people to a couple of recent shows in front of about 150 people. I can tell you that I actually feel more comfortable performing in front of a large crowd than probably most people.
Interesting how one person's fear is where another person excels. -
The world point resonates with me the most. I'm fairly well travelled compared to most I guess, I have holidayed once otr twice a year for 10 years or so, but everything has been reasonably safe - tourist places in Europe etc.
It actually scares me that I may die before I get to see places like India, China, Vietnam, New Zealand, Thailand etc. And I don;t mean a 4 week planned vacation either, I want to be able to relax and move about as I wish.
I have goals to achieve before I will do this, but I cannot wait till it arrives! -
Debauchery. Clearly missing...
Cheers,
T. -
Great post Chad, this really got me thinking about what I've done that scared the c**p out of me - building a business, moving to Japan (originally from scotland), getting married.
It also makes me think about what I still need to do to make sure that life actually means something.
Thanks man! -
I can think of quite a few things to add to that list. If I wrote them here though this site would become NSFW though! :-D
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Great post Chad!! Nate's initial comment is dead on - by using life experiences you are able to make fitness part of a healthy lifestyle as opposed to a required chore / maintenance that needs to be done, like taking out the trash. Always enjoy reading - keep up the great work!
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Experience is all to personal. While the list above deserves some merit, it epitomizes cliche.
I like your blog Nate, but far to often does it cross over into a realm of cliche, cheesy motivational and shallow discussion. This post, in particular, is broad and unimpressionable. My question to Chad would be, what have you experienced that has changed your life?
Sure, you can sit and talk about pushing your body to its limits, getting your ass kicked or reaching a goal, but who are you to say those are life changing, or even things someone should experience?
I'm deathly afraid of getting my ass kicked and being curbed (insert: American History X visual). Does that mean experiencing, at least, an ass-kicking is going to change my life? Well sure, I'll probably have a black eye and hopefully that'll be the least of my injuries.
It will change my life. You're absolutely right; but that's not a necessary thing to experience for me to grow as an individual.
To extrapolate meaning out of a experience could take years. I traveled through Paris 4 years ago, and I'm just now learning from that. Popular criticism may agree that, that's a much more meaningful path to a life-changing experience than losing or one-on-one competition.
No disrespect to Chad, but experience, in any discipline, is always going to effect life thereafter. So while I understand the angle of the post, I'd like to see something personal, rather than a list of throw-away experiences written in a know-it-all tone. Frankly, this reminds me of a poster you'd hang in a gym.
If we're taking a journalistic approach to the question of, "what is experience," I, and others may agree, would enjoy a more enveloping piece written with insight. -
I don't feel the post is cliche or lacking insight, rather it is simple for a purpose: experience IS all toO personal.
The post accomplished exactly what was intended. Chad said enough to induce self-reflection, but left readers with plenty room to make these 7 experiences applicable to their lives without enumerating far-too-detailed stories or anecdotes.
Overall, Nate's blog is intended to enhance the lives of readers. Writing in a know-it-all tone would be doing the opposite, and seeing this post as such is an error.
It's all in the art of blogging, and for this reason, I feel Shakespeare's claim, "Brevity is the soul of wit," applies to Chad's post.
Nice job :) -
@ JC…I think you missed the point…or if nothing else it wasn’t written the way you found very appealing.
To you it might seem cliché but sometimes hearing (or reading) things like this from another person’s point of view is worthwhile. It also allows grounds for discussion as we are doing in this blog.
Your point about getting curbed borders on embellishment. You say that it would change your life yet not necessarily in a good way. Actually it might. Why did you get in a fight in the first place? Did it happen at 3am outside of a bar in a bad neighborhood? The lesson learned is maybe to make better decisions about who you’re hanging out with or where you’re hanging out at. Did it start over a petty argument and escalate to something more serious. Lesson learned is to pick and choose your battles. Get where I’m going with that? It might help you make better or different judgments in the future.
Chad chose to write the article in a manner that wasn’t so personal. You may have taken a different approach in the way you would have written it but nothing wrong with his angle. -
>>>> If you continue, you’re conquering your mind more than anything. Once you have control over your own negative thoughts, there isn’t a whole lot left that’ll hold you back.
I just made that my signature in one of the forums I post to.
I find it incredible that most of physique transformation is MENTAL. It is your mind usually that decides to quit, not your body. I see this in every workout I do.
Virtually any sport is mental too. Take motocross, if you can overcome the mental barriers of jumping, and driving thru corners, then you're just limited by cardiovascular endurance of your body and the mechanics of your bike. How many competitors are limiting themselves mentally before even making one lap of the track? -
In regards to goals - I just joined the WellnessPro flyaway weight loss challenge and began using their products. I've already seen some amazing results!
Thanks for the inspiration,
Don -
@ JC - interesting obervations which I am inclined to agree with as it reminds me of some of Chris Shugarts' earlier writing at 'T.Nation'. NO disrespect to either Nate or Chad, though! :-)
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I also think you should have on here "Overcoming extreme failure". Such as losing a business, divorce, severe injury, or bankruptcy. It marks a man when he can pick up the shattered pieces of his life and continue on.
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Thanks, Chad. This was encouraging and challenging at the same time. Encouraging, because I realize I've actually a thing or two on this list and wasn't giving myself credit for it. Challenging because there's still more to do.
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Nice post, man.
Somethings you just gotta do.
I'll tell you 2 things I think everyman has to do.
1. Introduce yourself to someone you admire and have role model. You'll finally see these ppl are real and no to different from you and puts alot in perspective.
2. Tell some1 to go f* themselves and take a hike.
Let me explain, I've been approached by multi level marketers to do some shady stuff bc they know ive studied direct marketing like a mad man for the last few yrs. They kno im motivated and am going to make it (thats something i think you guys also need to beleive, you all will too).
Everything they say and stand for are against my beliefs and morals. So guess what I am not going to do business with them. I'm not going to associate with them. And they know exactly where I stand. Its friggen awesome flippen the switch on these pushy guys that think u got no balls. There speechless.
You'll start to command respect.
Out,
Chris -
I am all about pushing my body to the limit. This is the only way you are going to get maximum results. If you go half speed your results will be half speed.
I would always wonder why I wasn't getting the results that I wanted and I realized that I just wasn't pushing myself hard enough. Something that I always tell people is that you get out of your workouts whatever you put in.
It's just that simple! -
Thanks for the post Chad - found it really inspiring, insightful and challenging. Sometimes it can be easy to look down on yourself if, say, you haven't lost the amount of weight you anticipated to lose that week, but the part you said under 'Losing' - 'Success isn’t as sweet if you haven’t faced the bitterness of defeat' - that really stood out for me. Cheers for the well written and great post, keep them coming!
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Ya have to put yourself to the test constantly and the one's that see things through to the end are the people that generally rise to the top.
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I feel like you could probably teach a class on how to make a great blog.
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Great post, interesting post, actually written and intelligent, insightful information really best information and content, excellent explanation with relevant and current content, thank you
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