Build Your Own Life
Define, Plan, Conquer
“Every night when I go to bed I want to like who I am. And I want to wake up the next morning like it’s a Saturday.â€
That was my answer when asked what I wanted to do before I died. Sure, I dodged the specific question, but it was Craig’s fault for not giving me any time to think. But I’m pretty happy with it.
I’ve spent the past week surrounded by some influential and amazing people. (I also had to put up with a few douchebags, but hey, it’s to be expected. I think tight UnderArmour cuts the circulation to the brain and vital organs.)
After a long day of sitting, learning, jotting notes, and taking horrible pictures, I was sitting at Sevilla drinking red wine and talking with Craig, and my other roommate, Mark.
The topics of conversation drifted from women, mentors, travels, and now, “the perfect life.â€
“I want to travel, start my own business, and have a family,†said Mark.
Craig wants to build a house and travel the world. Then again, Craig already owns two houses and has traveled the world. (So far, so good...)
When the waitress came by to check on us, we asked her the question.
And she was stumped.
We probed further. What was she currently doing? Where has she been? What does she want to do more than anything?
“I want to be a doctor. But I don’t want to go to school.â€
Well, then, I don’t want you operating on me! I thought.
But her response was not uncommon. Many people have no idea what they actually want to do. They work dull jobs, lead dull lives, and have dull dreams.
But before I get verbally castrated, I want to make a distinction. If someone is truly happy with the way their life is and every day that passes, more kudos to them. But it’s been my experience that people just complain a whole hell of a lot without ever changing their situation. These are the people who need to help themselves.
After the waitress left, I told Craig and Mark about the “Perfect Day†exercise I picked up from Jim Labadie. You may have read about it before, but I bet you haven’t actually given it some thought and completed it.
Here are the rules:
1. Define what a perfect day would mean to you. We're going to fit a lot in. I want you to touch on every aspect of your life from social, financial, personal, and spiritual. That means no “I want to sit on my ass all day, watch movies, and drink beer.†Unless, of course, you'd be completely happy doing that.
2. Find ways to weave all of the qualities you want to exemplify and things you want to be/do/see into the exercise.
3. Be as specific as possible. What are your living arrangements? Do you have a family? Are you a bachelor who likes to play the field? What kind of clothes are you wearing? What time did you get out of bed? Are you going to the gym? How are you making money to meet your financial needs? Who are you spending time with? Are you planning any trips or vacations?
I do this exercise every few months to help keep me excited about where I’m going and what I’m doing. It’s a reminder to enjoy the journey and aim high, and it’s interesting to see how certain things change with time.
So let me know what you want to accomplish. Who do you want to be? Boil it all down to a few sentences and let me know in the comments below.
Then grab a piece of paper and get started.
Comments for This Entry
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I think my entire answer was "Build my own house in the desert near Moab, Utah; wake up every day next to the girl of my dreams and have the financial independence to travel the world."
Something along those lines has been scribbled in the back of almost every notebook I've ever had.
My favorite part of the conversation was when we were talking to the waitress about her career/life.
Me:
Someone recently gave me this advice: Envision the life that you want to live, then find or create a job that will suit that life. Don't find a job and then try to build a life around that.
Waitress:
I think that's really hard to actually do though...
Me:
Exactly. That is why the majority of people will always be mediocre. Anything truly worth having or doing is difficult and requires risk and effort. Few people are ever willing to take the risks or do the work that is required to meet their real goals in life.
(To Nate, after the waitress had left) I thought it would sound kind of corny, so I left out the part that the person who gave me that advice was you, two weeks ago.
The way a person answers that question can reveal an awful lot.
After the waitress came back with an answer, we worked out that she had a lifelong dream of spending time in Africa, and that this could be achieved with less than two months of budgeting.
"So what is really stopping you?"
+++++
Forgive my horrible memory. Your perfect life sounds fantastic...
And I still don't believe I said anything like that. :)
-Nate -
This post was amazing. For the last few years, I've been torn between two possible careers. One was a childhood dream, selfish, exciting, and in no way in line with the rest of my life. I have children, I can't, don't want to be selfish. It didn't fit with what I wanted for life, but I ached when I thought of it. The other, interesting. Not as exciting, or challenging, but fits with my values and more importantly, will allow me to create the rest of the life I want. All of it. I read 'Envision the life that you want to live, then find or create a job that will suit that life. Don't find a job and then try to build a life around that' and had a 'duh' moment. Of course. Define the life, find the job to support it rather than defining the job and trying to fix your entire life around that one thing. Of course. Thank you so much, it sounds so simple but it's given me a kind of peace around this issue that I haven't had, ever. I can accept this choice, and love it.
COMMENT RULES: Critical posts are fine, but if you're rude I'll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your personal name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. But most of all, have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation! (Thanks to Tim Ferriss for the inspiration.)
Craig Weller 11:03pm Jun 19, 2008