What Makes You a Man?
Photo by brickartist.com
Hint: It takes more than a pair of balls.
We're two drinks deep and sitting in a college bar that looks like what a college bar is supposed to look like: metal stools with black upholstered tops, the stuffing sticking out from fingernail-sized slits in the fabric, a couple of pool tables in the back, a keno machine and juke box in the corner, neither of which get much play.
Scattered around the room are high wooden tables with mismatched chairs pulled so far away from the tables it's damn near impossible to walk past without tripping.
The college crowd seeps into the spaces between everything. Guys in button-ups, fashion tees, and trucker hats try (and fail) to look menacing while girls in skin-tight jeans try (and succeed) to look uncomfortable.
The place is packed, which is why Scotty and I decided to grab a seat at the end of the bar.
He's sipping a PBR and I'm having a pint of Arrogant Bastard ale; it cost me five dollars, a trip through a narrow hallway into the adjacent high-end lounge, and a smirk from the waitress when I ordered. Totally worth it.
Scotty takes a drink and sighs. We've been here 20 minutes and have already moved past sports, girls, and jobs—the safe topics most guys stick to when hanging out—and have jumped into deeper waters.
The topic we've stumbled upon: What makes you a man?
At 24, it may seem a bit foolish for us to be talking about something we should have just started to experience, but that's one of the main points, I tell Scotty, I'm trying to make: you don't suddenly become a man at a certain age.
"It's not like they send you a starter kit in the mail on your 18th birthday," I tell him. "You could be 16 or well into your fifties before you become a man. If ever."
Michael Kimmel, author of Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men, seems to agree with me. "Today people become adults when they feel like adults. They experience a "situational maturity," he writes.
But what's the situation that catapults us from "guys" to "men"? And how do we recognize or prepare for it?
"How can you possibly 'feel' like a man if you're not even sure what the values of manhood are?" Scotty asks. He swivels his stool around and stares at the crowd of guys scattered around the room. He points his beer toward them.
"Are they men?"
It's a good question.
Appearances aside, I can guess that, like me, most of the guys have been raised on a steady diet of Hollywood morals, shallow friendships and romantic relationships, hubris, and high-fructose corn syrup.
We've never taken the time to define what our values are. And alll the old credibility indicators—graduating college, settling into a career, getting married, and raising a family—have disappeared.
College is leaving us tens of thousands of dollars in debt and won't guarantee a job. (I know at least five guys with bachelor's degrees who live with their parents and wait tables or fold jeans.)
Our generation is more concerned with freedom than with money, and bounce around from career to career without much thought given to stability. And our expectations of what we'll get paid are incredibly high. Very few people make more than $40,000 their first year out of college, but it's what most recent graduates expect to make.
And marriage? With divorce rates at an all-time high, and a good majority of guys growing up with two sets of parents, many are opting to stay single and "play the field" for as long as possible. Which is cool and all until you realize most of them spend more time masturbating in their bathroom than they do going out to meet girls.
It's this sort of developmental limbo - in between school and supposed responsibility – where most of us spend our time. I don't think we're making the best of it.
Let's face it, most of us are lazy. We don't read or educate ourselves more than we have to. (When's the last time you read a book that wasn't assigned to you?) We have fickle self-esteem and mistake machismo for manliness, a by-product of watching hero movies and never connecting with any of our friends. We have shallow romantic relationships we don't work at to make better.
And the kicker? We have absolutely no fucking idea who we want to become or what we want to accomplish. It's goddamn terrifying.
So, what's a guy to do? Wallow in self-pity? Sack up?
Back at the bar...
Scotty and I start to rattle off different characteristics we think make a man:
Be honest. Stand for something. Have integrity. Do things that scare you. Keep your mind sharp. Nourish your body. Pay it forward. Do your best work every time, no matter what that work is. Set goals. Nurture relationships. Enjoy every day. Listen. Don't take shit from anyone. Be passionate about something. Master your emotions. Speak with purpose.
Oh, and drink bourbon.
To the bartender's relief, we finish our drinks and agree on one point: you're a man when you establish your own values and try like hell to live them.
Then again, what the hell do we know?
Comments for This Entry
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....well, that and a pair of testicles.
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Well written for a fellow your age. At age 40 it is still a question I ask myself all the time. Now having kids on the verge of teendom I ask "How can I make them better men?" There is no right answer. I live by a simple code. The golden rule.
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Another good post. I would say try and get the frequency up though.
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As a teen myself even getting into this feels a little awkward but I still feel I have something to add here. Being a mature fellow for my age, I definitely stand out among my peers. Not buy the way I look but with my actions, at least so I have been told. A lot of things come into play when I consider what I think to be the traits of a man. Work ethic, responsibilty and confidence comes first to mind. Dedication, not blaming others and facing pain head on instead of shying away from the pain that has to be dealt with.
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Nate Green for Mayor.
Just sayin' -
I like to keep it simple... A man will say what he means and do what what he says.
No muss, no fuss, no BS -
Excellent post. Quite thought provoking. My trainer is 24 and more of a man than most men I know who are twice his age. Hard for me to quantify why, though.
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Great post - I don't think it's foolish to discuss this at age 24. I'm 23, and though I'm a young'un, I think it's worth pondering. It takes a good writer to offer wisdom like this and not sound preachy or self-important. Good stuff!
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Responsibility, sacrifice, wisdom through experience and sharing that wisdom, and strength (both physical and mental).
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As the late great Joesph Campbell says "Live in your bliss." Don't let society or other peoples "rules" take you off your path. Don't follow someone else path. Know that you are the center of the wheel not the spinning outside. Do everything in your life from your deep center. Give your gift without expecting anything in return. Know that you thoughts are not the real thing. Will you approach everything in life with fear or love?
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I think you did pretty well man.
I'd say there's a big difference b/t boys, guys, and men.
I'm about to turn 25 and some guys our age will possibly live their whole life and not become a man. It is sad.
Not saying I'm the one to decide. Who knows if I'm a man yet, but working on it has to count for something. Working to become the best 'you' that you can be. You know?
You may find this interesting.
http://www.amazon.com/Season-Life-Football-Journey-ebook/dp/B001H4R2T0/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=digital-text&qid=1265227372&sr=8-2
In a way fate brought me this book. Read it when I was 21. My grandma saw the football on the outside and thought I might like it. Funny how shit like that works. It's very good, almost life changing. -
Maybe if we can isolate where the definition was lost, we will have a better hope of finding it again.
My personal guess would be around the time we started returning from work with no idea what we had done that day.
And "promoting synergy" is not an acceptable answer... -
Hmmm... I usually don't like to think this deep, but I suppose (to me) it's someone who takes responsibility. He never plays the role of the victim, but instead always try to forge his own destiny. He steps up to the plate.
I think a man is also faithful and reliable to those that depend upon him.
Lastly I think a man should lift heavy weights, listen to metal, and drink beer (or whiskey). :) -
you're a man when you establish your own values and try like hell to live them every day..
Totally agree.
'Real men' are in short supply these days, I guess so are values, humility, and people that actually do, more than they talk about doing.
I'd say a man has an understanding about what's important, his responsibilities as far as family and so forth, and does his best to take care of things, while keeping the complaining to a minimum.
...but ya, what the hell do I know? Just some thoughts...
Great article though Nate, awesome writing . -
Fellow Gentlemen- There is a website titled The Art of Manliness, http://artofmanliness.com/, where a bunch of like minded folks feel exactly the same way. I have been reading that blog and Nates for close to a year now and the best I can come up with is to find your N.U.Ts. (Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms)
).
"N.U.T.s are your Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms. N.U.T.s are the things you’re committed to, the things that matter more than anything else: your kids, your career, your primary relationships, yourself, your purpose, your spiritual practice, your hobbies, your integrity, your morals and your psychological well-being."
"N.U.T.s are the boundaries that define you as man, those things which, if repeatedly compromised, will gradually—but assuredly—turn you into a pissed-off, resentful man who will likely blame others—especially your wife—for your unhappiness.
"Your N.U.T.s are uniquely yours. They reflect who you are as a man and the man you want to be. Compromise your N.U.T.s, and you’ll compromise yourself. Compromise yourself too often, and you’ll become an extremely unhappy man, husband and father." -
This may seem simplistic but I read an article about this and one of the under topics from this was about clothing. My father always wore shirts and always had the seriousness about the attitude in his clothing choice. When he wore jeans it was to work in the garden and examples like this.
The article talkede about how men 30+ were starting to were sneakers and t-shirts and actually the same clothes as kids just bigger sizes. When one thinks about how important apperance is and how it works also on the subconcios then there are some interesting thoughts here..
sorry about the spelling I'm foreign -
1 tapout shirts (more are better) and a truck with straightpipes.
A guy I used to run around with used to talk about how he was a man and the rest of us were boys. Injected testosterone and d-bol daily, talked about how he could kick everyone's ass, slept with 100+ women,cheated on his girlfriends (and later his wife), and made racist/sexist comments about any minority/woman who crossed his path. Now he can't hold down a job, has a marriage that is falling apart and has been all but desserted by his old friends.
Meanwhile the rest of us have moved on to careers, have successful marriages and a couple are now proud parents. Sad, our old friend would probably still call us pussies and swear up and down that he is a man.
Maybe the way to find what makes a man is to determine what a man is not. For instance, I know a man doesn't go around talking about what a man he is. That smells like insecurity. A man doesn't degrade women, has morals/standards/values. I'm all for marching to the beat of your own drum, so long as that drum is lifting others and not squashing them.
And a man probably doesn't go on Jersey Shore or The Real World. Talking tough and acting coolball shows what a child you are. -
Great article, Nate. I reckon it's having the courage to do what you know is right.
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There's a quote that's often attributed to Emerson, though I don't think he actually said it, where whoever it is defines success as:
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
I'd say you could apply this to manhood, if you needed a set of guidelines. -
I have the answer and it is that there is no answer:
The answer is unique to the frame of reference of each of us. It is a reflection of the times we live in, our generation, our families, our cultures, perhaps religion, and the expectations we and others put on ourselves. So, if you can answer all of those in summary then I think you have the answer-- then again, maybe not quite.
I guess my best answer is to imagine myself living my last day and reflecting on my life. I believe that day, I might have a good answer on what made me a man. But I cannot answer yet because I suspect my answer will change many times between now and then. -
My 5 cents worth:
You and your buddy nailed it at the third try in your rattling off characteristics: PERSONAL INTEGRITY.
My personal gauge of that precious quality is the very first glance into the mirror in the morning (punch him or shave him.
Cheers.
Fabi -
I think that being a man is much like any other role of leadership, each man should lead and not be afraid to set an example that he or any of his friends would not be willing to stand up to and use.
A man is someone who is able to face down his fears and say to his opponent I AM and never have to back talk or talk trash but rather bath in the quiet confidence that his abilities both natural and those that he forged through hard work will see him through -
If, by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream-and not make dreams your master,
If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on! '
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings-nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And-which is more-you'll be a Man, my son.
After half a century of living, this says it best!
Oh, and one more thing,
Dance like nobody's looking,
help the weak, you've been there, or will be,
Love like you can't run out of it,
You won't! -
I think the nature and purpose of our decisions are what makes us men. Men ascertain the situations they encounter by making decisions which are reasoned through different processes than the way a boy or a child would.
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Great stuff!
Looks like all the stuff that make men really men also make women really women. -
@Michelle
Excellent point!
-Nate -
My favorite concept lately has been tacit knowledge.
This is the sort of knowledge one has that cannot really be expressed in words. It's something you just know, based on experience.
For example, there really aren't any good words (at least in the english language) to describe what an electrical shock feels like. Go ahead and try it. Until you've felt it you really won't be able to understand it, no matter how much someone tells you about it.
Another example would be to try describing to someone how to ride a bicycle. You know perfectly well how to do it but all that's really gonna come out of your mouth is, "Uh, pedal it, and don't fall down. Those handle things steer it."
Same thing applies when it come to describing what it is to be a man. You just know because you know people who you feel embody the values of a man, and hopefully you strive to uphold those same values.
But, just like trying to say that a shock is a sudden sharp pain, it's not as simple as a list of words like integrity, honesty and being nice to puppies. Any single characteristic could describe a man, a woman, or a male who is still kind of a douchebag. It's a combination of objectively measurable values held together by intangibles. -
For me personally I see it as being honest with yourself and others around you. A lot of what most huys would call being a man is really just posturing when they are in a group and trying to fit into a mould of what they think being a man is or how they've been taught to behave. If they were openly honest with themselves they would see that its all facade.
Well, maybe that and a big set of cajones as well.
But having said that, just beacuse you're a real man (in the sense of what people are writing above) doesn't mean that you're not going to be a dick. You can still be a man and not be liked by people or not be kind to people.
A good thought provoking post though. Makes you stop and ponder if you're really moving in the right direction. -
"Our generation—the current 18-30 year olds—are more concerned with freedom than with money"
That really hits the nail on the head for me, I think any of my friends can relate to that, but of course we all still love money ;) -
Man, this is a great question! I really took a step back a thought about this. Here is what I came up with_________________________!
Really, how in the hell do you tell if you are a man or a boy in a mans body?
I now have been married for 4 years and have a 7 month old baby boy, yet I still feel like I was 22-23 years old minus the fact I can not drink all night and wake up and start over again! I believe it helps me to feel young by working in the fitness field and working with teens. Sometimes my wife says to me "what are you in high school" and I reply well that's where I work everyday! -
Hi Nate
Your best post so far! Thanks for the great read!
Cheers,
Andy -
Hey,
I'm a Christian - so I'll give you guys the Bible's view! Hahahaha!
You've probably all heard of '1 Corinthians 13:4-7'. Well, you might not know it as that, but it's the verse at pretty much all weddings.. the verse on love. You know the one that's 'Love is patient, love is kind', etc etc.
Well, it's a nice verse. But most people don't understand the context of it, and it takes an entirely different meaning if you change 'love' to your own name..
So for example...
"Nate Green is patient, Nate is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. Nate is not rude, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Nate does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Nate always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
Puts a bit of a different spin on things doesn't it? I know that myself when I use my name, I fall short on a lot of things. -
Being a man is simple.
When you stop caring what other people think of you, and you make decisions based on what matters to you alone. I'm not saying being a self-centered arrogant bastard. I'm saying. Stop worrying if the girl next to you is judging you or if the guy across the gym can bench more than you. Be your own measuring stick and strive to be better.
Nate,
Your post talks a lot about the changing meaning of maturity. It changed because people started trying to please everyone else and do stuff they don't enjoy.
In short, being a man means standing true to what you believe and judging yourself based on your standards not someone elses. -
My father once told me, "Men train hard, play hard. " to me "train" applies to everything from education, to strengh, to mind body an will. Once again Nate you've brought up a topic that many of us haven't put much though into. Thanks. -Abe
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My father once told me, "Men train hard, play hard. " to me "train" applies to everything from education, to strengh, to mind body an will. Once again Nate you've brought up a topic that many of us haven't put much though into. Thanks. -Abe
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Among other things, a healthy measure of self-reliance and self-sufficiency, leavened with the knowledge and ability to ask for help when it's needed, and give help when asked.
Youthful arrogance says, "I can do it all."
Maturity and experience knows better. -
Chris G-- there is also a passage in Corinthians [11]: When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
So, according to this being a man just simply means putting childish ways behind you. What defines childish ways becomes the thought provoking question and is probably defined differently for each of us. -
Id say a big thing is when a man wont sacrifice his integrity for his wallet. That has been a big one for me.
Its like everything else in life too. You can talk about it all you want. Doesnt mean SHIT until you DO it.
Jason -
Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. Put brain in gear before putting mouth in drive. If your opponent's not worth killing, keep your hands to yourself. Help the helpless. Whatever you're doing, make it a masterpiece. Honor God, love your spouse and childern with all your might. Don't cry too loud, when things go wrong. Don't gloat too long when you defeat your emenies. Allways worry about what that guy in the mirror thinks of you! Win his honest respect!
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My vision of what it means to be a man has always been simple:
Do what you think is right, no matter what anyone else thinks about it.
Mmmm sounds kinda funny when I say "has always been" since I've only been thinking about it for 2 years (I'm 21)... The point I grew up was new years 2008, got so drunk I woke up in the hospital, never again :) -
At 20 years old, I fall into that "our generation" category you mentioned.
Your following statement is sad but true: "College is leaving us tens of thousands of dollars in debt and won't even guarantee a job anymore. (I know at least five guys with bachelor's degrees who live with their parents and either wait tables or fold jeans.) "
The bachelor's degree is becoming the new high school diploma, you know?
I certainly agree with you on everything . . . so excellent work, as always. -
Great Post Man!
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I think it's good that you're asking this question now (some never ask)... you're always ahead of the game, Nate! ;) When I turned 30 a couple years ago, I started asking myself this same question. My life was nothing like I imagined it would be 10 years prior at age 20. I had grown intellectually a great deal, made some progress and had come a long way from where I was, but I realized that I was still a boy inside and not living up to my full potential. It's a tough thing to admit, but it is an insight that is taking my life in a great new direction. In a sentence I would say a man is someone who knows who he is and where he's going.
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It's not for you to decide. When my oldest daughter turned 18, she told me she was an adult and that I needed to stop treating her like a child. I told her when she was an adult, she would not have to tell anyone they would just know.
So, after you have been "a man" for long enough, everyone will know. -
Nate, long time listener, first time poster.
My dad told me once, "A man is someone who is able to put someone else's needs - not wants - ahead of their own."
Simple enough.
That means a high schooler flipping burgers so his mom can afford her insulin is a man, while the 40 year old rocking a Tapout shirt and frayed jeans at the club is nothing. At 26, I'm understanding that more and more... especially as my fiancee struggles through Med School and 1/3 of my paycheck goes towards helping her make it through. I'm not "The Man" yet, but I'm getting there. -
nice post chris G... check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di9imh10Fc8 it speaks directly to this blog topic about men, masculinity and delayed adolescence.
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Hey Nate, long time reader, first time poster.
Though I'm not religious in any way I did check out that video above ^. A lot of great, thought provoking information that really does define what the epitome of a boy is, as opposed to a man. I've always felt like I was one of very few guys in college who didn't feel the need to get wasted every other night, to skip classes, or to shirk my duties and waste the money my parents are thankfully putting towards my education.
I've lost count of how many times I've been called a pansy or light weight because I bail on playing beer pong at 3:30 in the morning due to the fact that I have 8 o clock class the next day as well as a heavy workout. I've also stopped being surprised by how stupid and immature many of the guys my age really are; how they define themselves by their beliefs, their opinions, and their actions. Integrity, determination, and accountability are not attributes that are running rampant in this age group's demographics.
By no means am I putting myself above the fray; I'm only 19 myself, I have many qualities and attributes still to improve on and hopefully hone so I too can join the ranks of men. I'm just glad that I do have some sort of minimal understanding of what it will take to reach true maturity.
Great post Nate! -
You guys are really pouring on the great advice. Thanks for contributing and giving us all food for thought.
-Nate -
Here are six rules for manhood I've heard. They're somewhat founded on "The Road Less Traveled" and are predicated on accepting the hardships of life (which is why the first two rules are repetitive I guess; it reminds me of the rules of Fight Club).
I. Life is difficult – understand this and accept this.
II. Life is difficult – and you are specifically designed to use this to your advantage.
III. Cultivate self-discipline to turn the burdens of Life into a forge of your self improvement.
IV. Accept the challenges that develop the three most important facets of yourself: your Body, Mind, and Spirit. Develop all three equally. Reject the challenges that have no benefit. (This latter statement was relayed as rule designed to keep one out of fights that are just for the sake of "pride" when being goaded by thick-headed buffoons--you won't benefit from these "challenges.")
V. Accept the consequences of your decisions and of your actions. (This rule is also one used for deciding on whether you should undertake any action. If any action on your part could lead to a result that you're not prepared to be held accountable for, then wisely avoid the endeavor. For instance, don't bang a girl unless you're prepared to accept the responsibility of fatherhood.)
VI. Help others in their own pursuit of the code and never impede their progress. -
i'm 27 and haven't exactly figured it out yet.
unrelated to the "what makes a man" post, I had an idea for a blog, as I'm going through an injury right now (herniated disc in my lumbar spine) and I've had to drastically change around my training goals to let myself heal, take a few steps back and correct the problems that caused it, and mentally it's been tough (maybe going along with the "man" stuff I've had to suck up that i'm not as strong as I thought).
have you ever had to take considerable time off (a month or more) due to an injury (or any other reason) and how do you mentally adjust and deal with it? after months of benching, squatting, and dead lifting, those are all off-limits for a while, so far i'm concentrating on adjusting my diet, starting a mobility program, some extra cardio and stretching i've been neglecting, plus reading a few books and having some xbox fun, but it sucks.
any ideas? -
Hey Patrick,
I find it useful to find a new topic or pursuit to engross yourself in. Life is always better when you're discovering something new. Make a new group of friends, do some mentoring, apply yourself mentally.
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As for the topic: I don't know what makes you a man, but I can tell you pushing the prowler helps get you there. -
Nate, when I read your excellent article about using whiteboards to plan out your day and your life, I thought, "wow, how responsible. This guy has it all figured out." I'm just out of college, and I know I'm not at the point where I want to be "grown up" and responsible. I've been told that I'm mature for my age, but I'm in an awkward place where I'm working long hours in a serious career... and still wanting to blow off steam and be reckless.
My brother had a daughter recently, and the moment he held her, he said it struck him that all that foolishness was gone, and he was a grown-up. HIs whole world had shifted, and there were things that were more important than even his own happiness.
It made me think of how happy I was for him to feel that way, and at the same time, revealed how scared I am of having to grow up. I think when I'm no longer scared of it, that's when I'll be a man. -
Wow nate
This was a really good post ... I feel a little bit better about myself now -
Other then Romaniello's abs, not making excuses for life. Going after what you want, except what ever happens, get better and move forward
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"Life is always better when you're discovering something new." Nate Green
I will have to save that as one of my favorite quotes :) -
Hey Nat (et all)
Dont know if this is the right place to be asking this but it was either here or your Facebook. I have a question regarding Built For Show and Swimming.
Im wondering if it is a good idea to be swimming whilst on the program?
Im 22years old, 5”8 and a skinny shit (I haven’t gained a lb of weight since I was 15)! Im currently on the first phase of the Winter workouts and since starting the programme (and eating more/using Maximuscle Progain) I have managed to put on 8lbs (a miracle for me!) and now weigh 135lbs. Whilst my main goal is getting bigger I have been offered a summer job which will require some swimming, and so I would like to start incorporating this into my fitness routine. My plan is to get two swimming sessions in a week on my ‘off’ days however as getting bigger is my ultimate goal I do not want the swimming to effect this or indeed take some of the energy away from my workout.
Just wondering if you (or anyone reading this) could offer some advice?
Thanks
Tony
Ps. Even if it doesn’t turn me into some sort of an Adonis, Built For Show has changed my life in more ways than one and for that I am very grateful. -
It's not just the list of be's and do's, and the drinking bourbon. Being a man also goes deeper, into which bourbon you're drinking.
But, after wading through all the pedantic tripe we're told as kids, teens, and college twits, who tells us when we actually are men?
We do. We tell us we're men when we care more about doing what's right than Being The Man; more about the stranded motorist than keeping our hands/clothes clean; more about who we are when nobody's watching than who we think they think we are when we think they're watching. Now if only I could be that man.
Oh, and it's Irish Whiskey, if you wanted to know. -
Chris, you've got it. I can say what a real man is to me, from a woman's perspective, and that is it. When you decide to do something, you stick to it, and you are willing to put others needs first, when you have decided to throw your lot in with them. My husband works berloody hard. Always. He will do whatever is necessary to look after his family. He supports five people and two cats, and I have no doubt that he will do whatever is necessary, whenever it is needed. He has integrity. He does what he believes is right, damn everyone else. That is a man. I can count on him. He is dependable. He would defend us with his life. He treats us like his most treasured possessions. Yeah, beat me, that's not PC but it's true, and gives me security. It's the glue that bonds people together and makes marriage work. I do my part, he does his. We both know what to do, and I never need doubt that he will come through. That's a man.
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To my mind what makes a man is the car you drive. You ain't no kinda man if you don't got a van.
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To my mind what makes a man is the car you drive. You ain't no kinda man if you don't got a van.
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this a good read mate, and a damn good questions we should be asking ourselves. i ran a (boot)camp recently with Men's Health Malaysia (under Rodale's Men's Health from the USA), and during one of the workshops, on impulse, i threw out this question to the 18 guys in the room. "What makes us men?" The obvious responses came up, testicles, courage, fortitude, blah blah... thing is we came up with alot of good things. but we couldn't find the answer.
so after 2weeks of thinking, pondering, and discussions with my learned friends on the mountain top in my mind (i wish i had my own mountain-top, but i don't)... i'm starting to realize that there's only 1 factor that we need, and one that we have lost in a lot of ways.
i think it's all about BELIEF. we need to learn (or re-learn) how to believe in something. anything. but it's hard to believe and make dreams come true, because it takes all those things that make us men. faith. courage. discipline. fortitude. strength. endurance. wisdom. purpose. and the ability to look out for those we care about - to make their dreams come true. once we start believing in our big, crazy, bad-ass dreams. everything falls into place. and we can all be happy and go back to being lil boys. oorah. -
What makes you a man is when you stop wishing for an easier life, and start making yourself tougher to deal with it...I got that from a Kennedy quote but I believe it's true
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When you stop trying to impress others, and work towards impressing yourself...
I just wish I wasnt 32 when I finally realized this..... -
Your post is an inspiration for me to find out more about this topic. I must confess your clarity broadened my sentiments and I will right away snatch your rss feed to stay up to date on any upcoming articles you might write. You deserve thanks for a job well done!
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I was very encouraged to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this special read. I definitely savored every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.
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Very good article.
I do what works best for me, but without compromising some rules of mine:
Expect nothing to be given to you in life, expect that anything can happen to you in life, and plan accordingly.
Don't be disappointed or have regrets when making major life decisions such as career, relationships, new experiences, and defining moral moments.
Stand up for those who can't, even when it's difficult but don't be foolish.
Don't believe anyone when they say I can't do something.
Challenge the status quo.
Give back to your friends, family and community.
Be a law abiding citizen, and productive member of society. -
This is an informative sharing impressed me a lot as it has helped me to complete my assignment.
Thanks for sharing this.
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Bryan Krahn 10:58am Feb 3, 2010